Know your position

Today’s topic – bootycalls. Well not entirely. I usually reserve my trips to the donut shop for Sunday mornings, but I had some extra time this morning and decided to stop in. This was a mistake I realized since everyone from ages 14 to 70 were getting their morning coffee fix. Fortunately while I waited in line something triggered some thought.

Behind me in line stood a man who looked 40, but after hearing his conversation I’d say he was in his late 20’s. While I wasn’t eavesdropping, it was impossible to not hear his loud convo. Whispering definitely wasn’t on his agenda this morning. Although I couldn’t hear the voice coming through the phone, this is what I heard from his mouth.

“Nah she’s buggin’ son. She be actin’ like she’s my girl n sh*t……….. Nah whatchu mean? I’m not feelin’ her like that. She’s just a bootycall……… Last night? I mean, I took her to dinner… what?”

It was my turn at the register so I had to direct my attention elsewhere. While trying to hold in my laughter I placed my order. I over heard bits and pieces of the rest of the conversation because clearly the person on the other end of the phone had poor reception, since the old-looking young man was under the impression he had to yell. Either way I heard enough to know that he was confused and mistaken. It would be odd for me to approach a stranger and explain this to him, but maybe these definitions will help someone else out.

Now some of these definitions can’t be found in my Merriam-Webster dictionary so I don’t recommend tattooing it on your arm. However, as wise man once explained to me:

Booty Call – Whether you’re bored at 8pm or just left the club at 2am, she’s the one you call (well text in this day and age). If she takes your call you already know what’s going to happen. No strings attached, you may or may not even know her last name. Besides maybe picking up a bottle and other minor expenses, you don’t spend money on a booty call. Unless she was once a girlfriend or more, you know little about each other.
Friend with benefits
– Like the title suggests, she is a friend. However, there’s a few more perks with this type of friendship. Some of qualities of a booty call apply, but you actually hang out with her and enjoy her company. Again, she’s a friend so you do get along well with her and share bits of your life with her.
– She knows many details of your life, and knows your family and friends by face and name. You’re interested in her and she has potential to be more than just your girlfriend. Depending on how long you have been with her, the depth of this definition may vary.
– She has qualities of all the above and so much more. She has your back and you will do anything for her.  She is practically part of your family. She has your mother’s cell phone number and is not afraid to dial.
Wife – See details for wifey above. In addition she has the power to take your house from you and any belongings you may think you own.

I agree with the wise man, so that’s my 28 cents on the matter.

-Vic Louis



Filed under dating

5 responses to “Know your position

  1. Inquiring M.

    These kinda run into each other… no clear definition. May I offer a little aid:

    Booty call: Only have sex with her that is it. NO talking on the phone. NO going out to eat or hanging out. NO relationship (except for test taking: practice safe sex kids).She knows it(this is key). You know it.

    Friend with benefits: A friend you have sex with. You talk on the phone here and there, go out but nothing too serious. She knows it(this is key). You know it.

    Girlfriend: See friend with benefits… maybe we should just ellimate friends with benefits altogether.

    Wifey: See girlfriend… yeah I’m feeling wifey can go too. That leaves just Bootycall and Girlfriend… carry on…

    Wife: Sh!t is real son. She can’t take you for half. She knows it(this key). You know it(this also is key)

    I think this approach would prevent a lot of bricks in windows and heartache.

  2. best buddy

    Hahahahaha this is great….someone should definitely inform more people of your definitions

  3. Perfectly Imperfect

    Def agree with inquiring minds lol

    1. Key: The other person must know their position…the END cant be surprised the other person is “Bugging” when you aint maning up to explain the position.

    2. All this in between labeling …OUT THE DOOR. Either she a jump off or she is someone you are interested in….cant be wanting to have your cake and eat it too…this aint BK Have it your way.

  4. sunkissed404

    Haha.. I love it. I too agree with IM..

  5. Simplicity

    Nicely written… I must say your writers voice has emerged… Definitely takes a certain tone and holds true to your intended audience.
    Thanks for the definitions

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