I recently ran into someone I went on a date with many moons ago. A double date to be exact. I’m not sure if she didn’t recognize me or if she was playing the same game I was. The game is, “I really don’t feel like talking to you so I’m going to try my hardest to pretend I’ve never seen you before in my life.” Title copyright pending. Nothing against her, but it was so long ago there was no point to say anything. Seeing her reminded me of some things though.
Double dates can be fun if you actually know your date as well as the other couple. Things get tricky when your date is a perfect stranger. My friend introduced the proposal to me and of course I was hesitant. Naturally I asked what my date-to-be looks like. His response, “She is good-looking, I would go out with her.”
A few translations, before I continue:
- “She looks better than my date.” – This isn’t something you will hear very often, but if you are fortunate enough it’s the only truth you will ever hear.
- “She is good-looking, I’d go out with her.” – This means she is just okay. Bring money to buy yourself some drinks.
- “She has a nice <insert body part here>.” – In other words that’s the only thing on her that looks good. You are taking a chance on everything else. Bring your flask, it’s going to be a long night.
- “She’s ok.” – This means she is scary looking and your friend knows you would not voluntarily sign up to be his wingman for this mission. Forget the flask, bring the whole bottle.
I was young then, but old enough to understand what his response meant. Knowing that, I did what any respectable young man would do. I looked at him funny and said “Hell no! You are on your own.” As a result he took me by her job. To my surprise and in my opinion, she looked a lot better than his date. Knowing that, I did what any respectable young man would do. The corners of my lips curled and I said “Hell yes!”
Here’s where my youth got the best of me. My date turned out to be a mannequin, nicely shaped and dressed, but no personality. Not only did she not have personality, she barely spoke at. She smiled and nodded all night. How are you going to nod yes if I didn’t ask you a question? Deaf dates can be equally disastrous as blind dates. I would have had more fun taking a mime out for dinner. At least I would have been entertained. Although this happened a long time ago, I’ve seen it in my older years. Moral of the story is, looks only go so far. Bringing just looks to the table isn’t enough. Trophies are meant to be displayed on the mantle, not around my arm.