Near Death Experience

It’s kind of embarrassing to talk about, but I was jumped yesterday afternoon. Before I left work I knew something terrible was waiting for me in the parking lot. Regardless, I ignored all the warnings and proceeded without practicing caution. I didn’t think it would be that bad. I have asked for some misfortune in my life, but this was completely unprovoked. As soon as I stepped out from the revolving doors I was ruthlessly attacked and there was nothing I could do about it.

There were three of them, but at first I only saw two. I barely saw them that is. The first one immediately tried to blind me. I attempted to protect myself, but it was too late. The advance on me was swift and deadly. I had no choice but to shut my eyelids in order to protect them. It was a natural reaction. As I did that, the second one took advantage of the situation and delivered a mighty blow. I staggered backwards and tried to regain my balance. This was not an easy feat as which each blow a fiery pain traveled through my body. Where was my adrenaline when I needed it I wondered. Instead I was fatigued and out of breath. Although I wasn’t being strangled I felt a choking sensation. My body was not willing to ward off my attackers. Finally I looked up and saw that there was no one to help me, no one to call. Suddenly I spotted my car and there was a feeling of hope. I knew I would be safe there and made a dash for it.

I ran and my attackers followed. They were close on my tail. It was important that I got into the car quickly. It was a matter of life and death. If I didn’t get away soon, I’d be left for dead, this much I knew. What I didn’t know was that the third one was waiting for me in my car. My sanctuary. As soon as I sat down I was assaulted. I received a sharp unbearable pain, so unbearable that even now I quiver in fear.  The thought of it makes me afraid to leave the comfort of my room.

I lived to see another day fortunately. I am not certain, but I suspect I will have to my face my three attackers again. The first one was the sun, the second was the humidity, and the third was my black leather seats. Why is it so damn hot outside?

-Vic Louis
p.s. I swear last night my air conditioner said “Forget this, I quit son!” Then turned off by itself.



Filed under Just for fun

10 responses to “Near Death Experience

  1. bubblez410

    Wow, this sounded so tragic, I was feeling bad…then I got to then end and my condolensces to your air conditioner I am sure it tried it’s hardest…

  2. reading this had me scared and feeling bad for you! boooo!

    I live in FL, it can’t be that bad, and I use A/C year round, so I do feel for you there. But I’d never have leather seats in my car, and not black! Hope you get some relief soon, stay hydrated and out of the sun.

  3. best buddy

    Hahaha I love it! And yea come to florida and then let’s talk about heat

  4. Perfectly Imperfect

    Started to fear for my own life as I read this. Then started thinking where are all the other folks leaving work. You got me….congrats lol

    I think my AC is on the same boat as yours its totally not cooling as it used to, that or its just way hotter out.

    Stay Strong….. Tip buy seat covers atleast for the summer so your bum dont burn

  5. Inquiring M.

    How f!cking rude! I’m glad you’re not hurt, but then again… lol kidding! Excellent piece!

  6. Bungoman

    Hollywood is screaming out of control for you my friend, you should make haste and answer to the call.

    Those who know you well should have been able to figure out this one. I read the first line and reached for my car keys instinctively, but then I allowed common sense to prevail and continued to read. You almost got me kid I was about to transform into my “Yard man” personality to sort out some guys.

  7. e

    Sigh……..I share your pain my friend…….I really do. Personally I’m counting down the days to winter.

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