I Will Not Facebook You

I’m not sure if I should blame it on society, social networks, MTv,  BET, or the wino on the corner, but something is wrong with people. They suffer from MHTB, my head is too big. Yes it is a real disease, I saw it on House once. I was at a nice, small but cozy bbq not too long ago. I realized that sometimes the big things mean nothing to me, yet the smallest thing can seriously annoy me.

There was this young lady at the bbq. Nothing about her struck me as “omg, I will not be able to sleep tonight if I don’t start a conversation with her.”  Up until I noticed she had quite a few tattoos I really had nothing to say to her. I was curious so I did what was necessary. I inquired about them since I like tattoos.  She showed me her tats, I didn’t understand one of them so she had to explain. I thought it was stupid, but whatever not my skin. While I tried to make sense of her poor taste in art she said “Well I have to get going, facebook me.” I suck at masking my emotions so I probably gave her my disgusted facial expression. The words rang in my head and disturbed me, “Facebook me.”

Numero Uno
Facebook is not a verb. Since bling is actually in some dictionaries I looked up facebook just to be sure. No, it was not there (yet?).  I can jump, walk, and talk, however, I can not facebook. Sure I walk around and say things like “Google it” and “Google me b*tch!”, but that’s all in good humor. I only say that to friends. I would never tell a stranger to facebook me, myspace me, blackplanet me, migente me, hi5 me (actually that almost makes sense), nor twitter me. I’m glad you have facebook, so does everyone else from ages 11 to 70. It doesn’t make you cool.

Numero Dos
More importantly, if we were in the same vicinity  for about 4 hours and I never cared to ask her name, what makes her think I would care to find her on facebook? How does one transition from me barely uttering two words to her, to then telling me to facebook her?

“Your tattoo doesn’t make sense. Are you a baseball team?”

“Facebook me.”

Even if I wanted to find her, how would I if I never asked her name? Maybe she told me during her presentation of bad art. Maybe she’s a celebrity and I should just know who she is. Maybe if I type in MHTB she will come up in the search. Maybe she should delete her fb account and call it day.

“Facebook me.”  I have an action item for her too. It’s 3 words, the main action verb starts with the letter “F”, and it isn’t facebook.

– Vic Louis
p.s. Don’t let the post fool you. I’m in a great mood. It’s raining out, but I don’t care. Cape Cod Count Down begins…weekend mini-vacation here I come.



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6 responses to “I Will Not Facebook You

  1. bubblez410

    I definitely got a good laugh out of this post… the funny part is that she assumed you “Facebooked” lol I guess certain things that come out of peoples mouthes you just can’t control…

  2. bubblez410

    One more comment, the title reminded me of the Green Eggs and Ham story.. Except that the green eggs and ham would be switched with Facebook, so it would read.. ” I will not Facebook you here nor there, I will not Facebook you Sam I am.. LOL

  3. Uhhh what’s the action item? Three words…starts with F. I can only think of a four letter one. Anywho. You shoulda just said “no.” That’s my response. “Add me on facebook/facebook me.” “No.” Toodles.

    • 3 words, not letters. Think, “go facebook yourself”, except replace facebook with the four letter word you are thinking.

      “No.” Lol well yea that would have been appropriate and possibly hope shattering, but by the time my cousin and I exchanged our is-she-on-crack look, she was already gone.

      • ROFLLLLLLL!!!!! OMG! How s-l-o-w am I? Geesh! Get a grip Dash! *throws water on face* I guess the word “no” is on the tip of my tongue at ALL times, it’s just an overarching propensity at this point! LOL

  4. Perfectly Imperfect

    Ill Be sure to tell you to FB me let time I see you 😛

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