I’m not sure if I won the lotto, but I just remembered I bought some quick picks the other night and haven’t even checked the numbers yet. I could very well be a millionaire and don’t even know it. I could be rich. If I’m a winner I’m sure a reporter will ask, “What are you going to do with the money Mr. Vic Louis?” I can’t be like one of those old men that win and say they’re going fishing. So I figure I might as well work on my response and figure out my plan of attack.
My response to the reporter would be “I can’t talk to you, I’m RICH B*TCH! Deuces.” Then I’d take off to take care of business. First order of business would be to pay off all my credit cards (I say all like I have 14 of them). In fact I might call customer service for some of the cards and share my thoughts about their company. After a few everyday curse words, I’ll tell them to have a nice day. You know, just to be polite. Then I’d pay off the rest of my debt, but you don’t want to hear about that. It’s a given and pretty boring stuff. I’m sure you don’t want to hear about how I’m going to pay off my momma’s mortgage and all that stuff so I’ll skip to the interesting things.
I’m going to buy a house. Duh right? However, there are some things you need to know about this house. The house won’t be ridiculously huge, just big enough to fit a few bedrooms and the basketball court I’ll only use when MTv cribs does a special on me. I don’t need unnecessary space. However, the backyard needs to be enormous. Why? Well, where else will I put my pet sharks? Yes, plural. Pookie and Mookie. If I don’t post anything tomorrow it means I’m out shopping for sharks.
Next I’m going to buy a plane. It will serve two purposes. The most important is to fly my butt back and forth from Boston to my second home on an isolated island. An island surrounded by mermaids. Yes mermaids. Don’t judge me, it’s my story. The second purpose is for my friends. Not too long ago I wrote a post about how they keep asking me to go skydiving and why I refuse. This plane is for them to skydive out of. I’ll give them a little discount. I figure since they insist on falling to their impending doom, I should send them off feeling good about their purchase.
I would next send my current vehicle, Blue Destiny, to the dealership and tell them to make her like brand new again. I’m rich, but there’s no need for me to buy a new car if my current one is running fine. Ok, did you really believe that line? Please, Blue Destiny has no future with me and is getting donated. I’m calling the nearest Audi dealership and telling them I’m on THEE way! Have my fully loaded S5 ready to go. Yes an Audi S5 for everyday driving. Did you expect me to say a benz or beamer? This isn’t 1996, there are other luxury cars out there you know.
No profound messages here. I’m in a silly and lazy mood. I don’t feel like doing anything today. I’m sure you don’t either. So don’t. Instead, be like me and daydream about winning the lotto. What unpredictable thing would you do?
– Vic Louis
I wouldn’t call the reporter or any woman a b*tch (well.. unless provoked) so no hate mail please.