DROID! Sorry, random, but that’s the sound I woke up to this morning. I thought the end was near. I thought somehow robots managed to break into my room to assassinate me. “DROID!” is stuck in my head and my day is ruined. The sound has raped my brain at least 10 times while writing this paragraph. Forgive me, I’m tired and my mind is 12-year-old mode right now. Anyway, without further ado. There’s plenty more, but here’s a few things women get away with and why.
For centuries men have been called dogs because they lie, cheat, steal and kill (that last part was for effect). Men cheat, and women get cheated on. This statement hasn’t been true since before TLC released their first single. After years of research a scientist, we’ll call him Vic Louis I for fun, announced that women do cheat. Just as much as men do in fact. The only difference is that women do not get caught as much because they are better at it. Years later in 2010, Vic Louis I’s love child, Vic Louis II, revealed a different theory. The reason that women do no get caught as much is because men are naive. “Naw, my girl would NEVER cheat on me.” has been foolishly uttered by thousands of men. As a result they ignore simple and obvious clues. Sorry man, hair gel doesn’t look like that.
Unless you have never left the realm of your bedroom and stepped into the real world, it’s obvious that most police officers are men. It’s not sexist statement, it’s a fact. Otherwise, wonderful shows like Police Women of Orange County would not exist. Anyway, so a woman gets pulled over by some young cop and she smiles her way out of the ticket. How? It’s simple. The cop is a guy and has some notion that by allowing her to go, he has a small fraction of a chance to have sex with her. Sad, but it’s true.
I was upset the first time I was dragged into a Wet Seal. I was enraged the first time I was dragged into a Forever 21. It was a bad day when I found out a women could buy a complete outfit for $30. It’s cost me $20 to buy a simple t-shirt that will survive 5 road trips through the washing machine. If a man attempted to wear some clothing that costs as low as the things women own, he would not get very far in the dating world. For some reason, women are equipped with a men-clothing detection system. There’s a movie with a perfect example of this. I want to say it’s from How to be a Player, but I’m not sure that’s right. It’s some movie you’d probably on catch on BET. The scene is at a house party and the woman’s vision turns into a robotic cockpit like the Terminator’s and she is able to analyze a man’s entire wardrobe, piece by piece. They can spot cheap clothing a mile away. Unless it’s completely obvious, men don’t notice these things and/or don’t care.
*Disclaimer* Obviously anything I say in this post or any post does not apply to every man or woman in the world. Therefore if you feel the need to point that out, you are sillier than this disclaimer. Word.
– Vic Louis