In yesterday’s post “Moving In” I asked the question, are you against moving in with your significant other prior to marriage or are you for it? Below are the numbers I got from the poll (anything that came in after I wrote this is not included).
- Against = 8 They were all women ( If it seems like I can’t count it’s because one woman voted twice for “against.” Cheater!)
- For it = 4 3 men and 1 woman
- 50/50 = 1 woman
These numbers are questionable to me. In reality, practically every serious non-married couple I know live together. As for the married couples I know, they lived together before getting married. Anyway, thank you all for commenting. The reason I asked not to say why or why not is because I wanted the opportunity to write my thoughts down without feeling like I’m already engaged in a debate. So without further ado, as the title suggests I’m all for moving in first. Here’s why:
Marriage is a lifetime commitment. It’s not something to do because everyone else is doing it. Not something to do because your biological clock is ticking or you want to look pretty in an over-priced white dress or tuxedo. If I’m going to marry someone I need to be sure I understand this person’s characteristics and habits. I need to know that I can live with all their bad habits. I need to know that she can live with mine.
To me, moving in with your significant other before marriage is an important step. I don’t care if you’ve been with your “boo” for 10 years, there are still some habits you might not be aware of. Simply visiting my apartment won’t tell you everything about me. You may not realize I leave the cereal box open. You may not realize I’m really a slob because I tidy up before you get here. You would never know that I have a midget porn addiction. None of those are true, but the point that I’m making is that I could be full of surprises. I could have 9 bodies in the basement for all you know. Unfortunately you’re stuck with me. Why? Because we got married first and skipped a step that may have revealed all my bad habits. Habits that you can not live with. Habits that you can not change.
Moving in is sort of a trial phase of marriage. It’s a true test to answer the question, can I really spend the rest of my life with this person? It’s not the same as being with someone and spending a lot of time together. You now have to see this person, e-v-e-r-y single day. There’s no hiding when you are in a bad mood, no hiding when you’re feeling unsure of yourself. When you get into a fight, there’s no avoiding contact for a few days to allow things to cool off.
I can’t guarantee that I will move in my future wife before marriage, but I certainly hope so. And although I’m for it, I’m no fool. There are some circumstances in which I’d be the first to say hell no:
- Only been together for 6 months or some ridiculously low number.
- We never spoke about marriage. By that I don’t mean “Do you want to get married?” and “How many kids to you want?” I mean, in-depth conversations about it.
- I have no intention on getting married to the person in question, and it seems the same applies to her.
- I have strong doubt about the future of my relationship.
- She has displayed some crazy person tendencies.
One of the comments on yesterday’s post asked if we are engaged or not. If yes and with dates set, then sure. I think I know where she was going with that, however, I don’t think I see the difference that makes. Nothing in life is guaranteed, people set dates and end up calling it off quite often. Engagement rings and fortunes (from a fortune cookie) have a few of things in common. They are both enclosed at first, once opened you feel warm and fuzzy inside, but the message associated with it may or may not come true.
I now welcome the reasoning behind your decisions. Argue amongst yourselves, drag your friends into it, and play nice.
– Vic Louis