“I wasn’t stalking, I was being persistent.” – Bob Nelson (Jamie Foxx Show)
As you can see I was watching an old episode of the Jamie Foxx show the other night. That line gave me and the possibly fake audience a good laugh. Once the laughter cleared I was able to hear my thoughts. My thoughts told me that women are confusing. Not all of them of course, but all of them. This is nothing new, but I really started to think about something. With the confusing actions presented by some women, how does a guy know when to stop? How does he know when to stop or keep pushing because he’s close to hitting it big? That was a lottery reference not sexual, pervert. Unlike our friend Bob here, most men understand the definition of stalking, however, how should they know when to apply persistence or pack up their bags?
I often hear the complaint that guys don’t know when to stop. When to stop talking, when to stop calling, when to stop trying, and etc. With that in mind, some men respond to a woman’s command, “Back off ninja” by backing off. Go figure. They do this as part of a movement called Avoid Being Throat Chopped By Deceptively Quick and Powerful Women. It’s a working title. Then there are other guys, even when things seem hopeless they stay on course. I look at them thinking here are men giving all of us a bad name, but then they end up getting the girl.
In my moments of sobriety while I’m at the club or any place with an alarming number of suspicious characters, I do what I find the most interesting. I people watch. While people watching I tune into channel 1 and watch a guy approach a girl. He gets shot down like a target in Duck Hunt for Nintendo. He walks away with his head high, but self-esteem dragging by his feet. Then I turn to channel 2 and again watch a guy approach a girl. Success, no drama and they live happily ever after in the back of his Honda. Then I tune into channel 3. Again a guy approaches a girl. She tries to throat chop him, but he dodges it at the last second. His kung-fu is strong. He is not deterred and keeps spitting game. Next she tries to knee him in the groin, but he blocks it. This dude is the Bruce Lee of macking, I sh*t you not. Next minute they are dirty dancing and making babies on the dance floor. While I’m picking my jaw off the floor, he seals the deal and gets her number. After years of soul-searching and therapy I end up here, wondering if he truly is Bruce Lee or is the woman in question crazy?
Outside of my example persistence can be applied to a number of situations. It could be persistent on getting a woman’s number, persistent on getting a woman to go out on a date, or even getting a woman to drop her drawers. In any case, I compare the complaints I hear to what I sometimes see work. The persistent and borderline stalkerish guy wins. Then I’m left confused, bewildered, perplexed, and outright mystified. For me, being confused can be compared to having to tinkle. It burns and annoys the hell out of me until I have a resolution. Fortunately my pimp patch was stripped from me some time ago, so I don’t have to figure out the balance. However, maybe in the future I will have to explain this to junior. That and I’m sure some male inquiring minds would like to know. So ladies, break it down for them because knowing is part of the battle.*
– Vic Louis
* I know that’s not how it goes, but I’m not trying to get sued.