V.Louis’s Guide to Beauty

She is absolutely beautiful. She is smart, funny, kind, and generous. She speaks proper English not just because she’s educated, but because she is a sophisticated woman.  She drinks wine, not Mad Dog 20/20. She is a real woman, the kind every man dreams for. She is beautiful. All of this is below the surface, her inner beauty of course.

On the surface, damn she’s bad. It’s like Alicia Keys, Halle Berry, Sanaa Lathan, and Nia Long had one big orgy and managed to impregnate Jennifer Lopez. This woman before you was the end result. She has lovely shiny hair. Her skin is blemish free like a flawless diamond.  Her hazelnut eyes sparkle every time she laughs. Her lips are soft, full and succulent. She has award-winning curves and her jeans fit like a glove tailored for her body. Her nails perfectly manicured. She sports a Coach bag. She wears flashy, but elegant jewelry. Her pumps look expensive and compliment her outfit. She is beautiful, inside and out.

You look up “beautiful” in the dictionary to see if her picture is there. There is no picture, but this is what you find:  1. having beauty; having qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind: a beautiful dress; a beautiful speech.

She is and has all of that. She’s too good to be true and she is. You take her home, and the alien steps out of her skin. The weave comes out and the nails come off. Damn contacts, you knew her eyes couldn’t be hazelnut. Her ten-dollar words turn into “Ninja this, ninja that.” You are stuck in the Twilight Zone or a really bad rap video. Even her fancy jewelry was a fugazi. It makes a clank sound when it hits the dresser. Where her rings once shined from, green lines appear. Looks like a green fruit loop permeated her fingers. The jeans come off, suddenly your thoughts go from apple bottom to potato. The inside of her expensive shoes have an extra letter, it reads “Aldoe.” A closer look at her Coach bag reveals that those aren’t C’s, but instead half circles.  Oh yea, she rudely asks for grape drink.

You are now a statistic, another man searching for false beauty. The beauty you find only in magazines and television. Inner beauty can not be turned on/off like a switch. Outer beauty can not be put on or washed off, homie.

– Vic Louis
p.s. Way off topic (as always), but Mr T is solely responsible for the angry black man stereotype. Thanks a lot man.



Filed under men, Women

3 responses to “V.Louis’s Guide to Beauty

  1. Inquiring M.


    ok but wait… this “from apple bottom to potato”… hilarious!

  2. bubblez410

    Omg!! lol Great post and I love the “fruit loop that permeated” her finger, that was priceless I am still sitting here with tears in my eyes from reading this post! This made my day!

  3. willie

    so whet do you think about love

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