I’m not sure if you noticed, but a lot of older people are creating social networking accounts. Maybe it is to spy on their children or to catch up with old friends. Regardless, they are all over it. When I’m at work I more often see older people facebooking (it’s not a word… yet), than I see people my age signed in. They are even on it more than the fresh-out-of-college work-force virgins. It’s cool though, because old people must get their freak social networking on too. I find it funny because as I get older the less I want to bother with any network. There have been many moments when I was tempted to deactivate mine, but I don’t because they have their purposes. Stalking and spying on people are prime examples. Besides getting older there is another reason why I’m tempted to put my accounts in a grave. The reason is people and their statuses.
Every morning when I sign on into the wonderful world of privacy breaking, I’m greeted by the many random things that are going on in people’s lives. One woman in particular has managed to convince me that she is the worst mother in the world. Updating her status with comments like “My kids are complaining because I sent them to school without breakfast.” Shocking, how dare they? Wtf? How do you complain about your kids complaining you didn’t feed them? Do social networks not have social workers? Then she posts comments about how her life is private. Obviously not, dumbass lady.
On the complete opposite side of that, there are people who love their kids ever so much. Ones that feel the need to update their status with mentions of their kids’ lives every single hour. I don’t really want to know. If I did, I would join a group titled I Care about <insert offender’s name here>’s Kids. I might even create the group myself, but I don’t care. How many times can Jonathan Jr. start 3rd grade? Makes no sense.
Then there are the folks that feel the need to update the world with status about how much their life sucks. They do it every single day, there is no sunny day in their lives. Why? It’s not http://www.crymeariver.com. Some of the things I see cause much concern, I feel like the people in question are steps away from suicide. It worries me, but then I see the commenters who are so quick to ask “Omg, what happened? Are you ok? Call me! I love you!” Spare me please. If they need attention, they should phone a friend or become strippers. The latter will even pay their bills. Yup, I said it.
If you are guilty of any of these, please stop for the sake of mankind. Before I go, just a tip for anyone who isn’t hip to how things work.
Do you remember that picture of you that your best friend posted? The picture of you at the club dancing with a gremlin? I vividly remember the picture and you were dancing in a rather compromising position I might add. That night you and your booze formed an unbreakable bond. A bond so tight that it will forever haunt you although you remember nothing of it. I bet you felt relieved when your friend deleted that picture and you thought it was immediately wiped from the world-wide web, huh? Hate to break it to you, but you might want to google that theory.
– Vic Louis
p.s. Anyone interested in being an editor? I know the first question that came to your mind was how much does it pay. Good question, the answer is:
20 watts of happYness per minute. Multiple that times 100 if there’s any overtime. In addition you will receive weekly bonus of: feeling appreciated.