There are a lot of things on this Earth that I hate. Things like fireflies, Scar from the Lion King, rude customers, no. 2 pencils, cloves, and pink Sharpies. The world could do without all of these things, but the thing I hate the most are buses. Not the yellow school buses that most people were tormented on as a children, but specifically commuter buses.
Waiting for a bus to show up is never fun. They’re never on time so the schedule is more of a guideline than anything. Whenever I have to wait for a bus I feel like it’s a first date and she’s running late, the anxiety kills me. On top of that, not every bus stop has a hut so if it rains, forget about it. How about standing there during my not-so-favorite season, winter? You’ll get frostbite by the time the bus appears. Stand there during summertime and you get to burn to death while watching people drive by in convertibles. I’m almost certain if I were to record a car driving by and replay it in slow motion, it would show the driver flipping me the bird. I just can’t win with any season. Feels like I’m waiting for a lifetime. Finally after the second coming of Christ, I see my bus coming in the distance. I feel relieved and excited. The feeling is quickly stripped away from me because it says “Out of Service.” If I only had a rocket launcher.
Eventually an “in service” bus does come. Maybe I’m the only person who has noticed, but when I step onto a bus every single person looks at me as if they were waiting for a celebrity to get on. Most turn their heads away in disappointment when they see it’s just me. A few continue to stare while they sort out their judgmental thoughts. I ignore them and try to find a seat. Momentum, inertia and sticky floors work against me. Usually if there is an empty seat it’s either dirty or it’s right beside some unsavory character. Other times there are no seats at all and a bunch of people are standing. It becomes a pack of sardines. A germ infested pack of sardines. That’s not all of course.
I can get a ticket that’s more overpriced than wireless phone plans for not a wearing a seatbelt in a passenger car, but on a bus it’s ok. In fact, I don’t even have the option, they just don’t have seatbelts period. Why don’t they have seatbelts? I watch the news daily and buses seem to topple over more than Charlie Sheen and Lindsey Lohan on a Tuesday night after drinking. That’s a whole lot of toppling; I’m thinking a seatbelt would come in handy for unexpected amusement park rides. Save your money and forget Six Flags, just ride the bus. I really hate it and I haven’t had to take a bus consistently since I graduated from high school in 2000. I’m traumatized I tell you, traumatized. That’s why I hate buses, see what they did to me?
– Vic Louis
p.s. After writing this hw assignment about something I hate, I can’t help but to think about that song by Kris Kross, “I Missed the Bus.”
Anyway, I haven’t posted about relationships in a while. I think I’ll do that tomorrow.