Some time ago I wrote about a certain type of housewife. More specifically the ones who expect their husbands to bring home the bacon while they sit at home and watch soap operas such as The Dumb and The Hopeless. The types who truly believe that no woman should ever have to fill out a W-4 and get a job, neva eva, eva neva. Normally I would link to the old post, but I’m using a MAC and I don’t understand what’s happening. I’m a PC and Windows 7 was my idea. Anyway, I was aware that another type of housewife existed, but I failed to acknowledge them properly. Them being the ones who actually work hard day after day. Some choose it while others fall into the role, unlike the ones who believe it is the natural order of things. The ones that make me happy I have a day job with a set schedule. Reason being, I punch out at 4:30pm daily. Them? There’s no such thing unless you count sleeping.
I had the opportunity to witness the day in the life of a real housewife. It was like cigarette smoke, I was forced to take it all in second-hand without a window to jump out of. Now imagine waking up at 6am to go for a quick jog. Returning home only to shower then tidying up the house. It isn’t the Jetson’s residence so of course breakfast won’t make itself, and that’s next on the list. Shortly after the hubby is off to work, now time to relax right? Nope, there’s a baby around and like all babies she carries a dirty weapon in which she refills the clip often. Yes I’m talking about diapers. Besides changing those all day, get ready for a full day of saying, “Don’t touch that! What’s in your mouth? Don’t crawl under coffee table! Did you poop?” Repeat each phrase 100 times to get the full effect.
Since there is a child present, there are no soap operas on the tv lineup. It’s a full morning of Nick Junior. As soon as I got back home I put a parental lock on that channel, I never want to see it again. Oh wait, did I say a child is present? I meant children. On certain days there are 2 crawling babies to be taken care of. What did I gather from that? Well, when it’s my time to make babies, child #2 isn’t coming until child #1 is potty trained and can talk. If I have twins I’m just going to cry, hourly.
Now, you might find this surprising, but lunch doesn’t make itself either. Skipping to the future a little bit, neither does dinner. Snapping your fingers and saying “presto!” doesn’t work. Believe me, I tried it. Back to real-time I think it’s about 2:30pm now. That means it is time to go pick up the toddler. Yes, that is 2 infants and 1 toddler assigned to 1 woman. If your math skills are on point that adds up to one long f*cking day. Pardon my french, but the emphasis was necessary. Full day of cooking, cleaning, and taking care of babies. A round of applause to her and anyone else that does this.
Oh, did I mention my case in point is a full-time student on top of it all? Yea, “damn” is right. Now go back to the previous paragraphs and insert studying, homework, and attending class wherever you can find space. Does your head hurt yet? It should. Make that two rounds of applause.
– Vic Louis
p.s. It’s 22 degrees outside, 17 according to my phone. Don’t worry though it’s going to warm up. The high for today will be 29 degrees. I think it’s safe to it: #fml