Subtly

I’m often perplexed by the harsh reaction certain women give when men approach them “incorrectly.” I’ve expressed this in countless face-to-face arguments as well as this very blog before you. I hear the same argument every time. Men are so aggressive and can’t take no for an answer. As a result, every man good or bad deserves a cold kick-to-the-groin response, unless of course he approaches said victim with a stack of hundred-dollar bills and mojitos for her and her friends. As the owner of this site, I have certain responsibilities. One of my responsibilities is to save the world, like jury duty it’s my civic obligation. I must inform women that there’s a subtle method to make someone go away. Normally I wouldn’t give out anti-men tips, but this is for the sake of mankind.

Solution:
Say the most repulsive thing you can think of, with sincerity of course. For example:

“You’re cute. I’d like to take you home with me. My friend and I are really into the whole 2 girls 1 cup thing. Do you want to try it?”  Any normal man who has seen this video will immediately throw up in his mouth and walk away. If he doesn’t, well you found yourself a nasty freak, consider yourself lucky. Congratulations, even the freakiest of freaks need love too.

“I haven’t had sex in 7 months.”  Instantly he will get even more excited, he’ll think he has it bagged. When you see that dumb smile grow wider, you say  “I want you, but the last guy I messed with gave me herpes. It’s dormant now, but it could pop up anytime.” For a normal man, the thought of an STD will completely scare him off. If his response is, “That’s perfect! I have herpes too!” I guess you’re shit out of luck. Sorry…

This last one works best when a guy approaches you from the back without an invitation and rubs his junk against you (sexy, I know). Turn your head and whisper into his ear, “I’m not really a girl. We can still dance if you want to, but I just wanted to let you know.” No straight man is going to dance with another man. The mere possibility that you’re telling the truth will guarantee his immediate one-way departure. If you see a man staring at your throat before he makes a move, know that someone has used this on him already. This is an indication that you must use a different line.

If none of that works, feel free to use deadly force. Pull out your pocket-size Mortal Kombat strategy guide and finish him. Just make sure I’m around or have your girl record it and post on YouTube. I enjoy a hearty chuckle every once in a while, it’s good for the soul. Fortunately I’m retired. I’m like A-Wax from Menace II Society, I just sit back and watch other people do dumb stuff.

– Vic

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