Twenty-Eleven, it sounds so futuristic. I was certain we’d be living the Jetsons lifestyle by now. Anyway, with a new year hours away, millions and billions of people are thinking about their new year resolutions. For most people the list will probably include the same shit that was on it last year. I’m not sure how they got started, but for the most part resolutions are blueprints drafted with a pencil on wet toilet paper. They just fall apart easily. Most folks start off strong with their new plan, but it only lasts for a few months. Of course there are the few disciplined and determined achievers who follow through with it. Regardless of which category you fall into, what’s the point of waiting ’til a new year to make a change? If you are serious about something, you won’t push it off until January to execute. Why wait ’til a new year to lose weight? Why wait until a new year to spend your money wisely? Things like that can be started immediately, the very same day the idea crossed your mind in fact. Besides resolutions, New Year day itself means some different things.
To liquor stores, it means getting rid of cheap and dusty bottles of cham-pag-ne. To me, it means several bowls of squash soup and a day off. It seems otherwise, but I’m dithyrambic about the New Year and not just because of the soup. In addition to recovering from a hangover, I use the day to reflect on all the things I’ve collectively learned over the years. Things such as the popular phrase “you can’t catch a crackhead” is actually true. Yes, I tried and those mofo’s are surprisingly quick! I guess you have to be, the early bird catches the crack vial, they say. I also learned that you should always confirm a cup is microwave safe. I learned that Beyblades are not adult friendly. Learned that men with pigtails are an endangered species and a threat to society. I could go on for days and I’m sure you learned some important things too. Things like, that really wasn’t just a cold sore and so on. Whatever you learned, what’s important is that you reflect on it, put it behind you, and move on knowing not to make the same mistake twice.
When it all comes down to it New Years is another day, another year. A distraction so people don’t realize life is a perpetual circle, until death that is. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a much needed distraction actually. Some people need to feel like they’re starting a new slate. And if that isn’t enough, I suppose everyone needs a global excuse to get drunk and celebrate. That being said, go forth and get wasted. Do something stupid and blame it on the alcohol. It’s a new year, why not?
– The artist formerly known as Vic Louis (I’d insert a symbol, but Prince took the good ones)